


Teardrops

by AshleyTrecartin



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, Depressing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-25
Updated: 2013-05-25
Packaged: 2017-12-12 22:07:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/816586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshleyTrecartin/pseuds/AshleyTrecartin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She loved him and knew that he couldn't love her back. He loved her, but knew he shouldn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Teardrops

Rose watched the Doctor walk Sarah Jane outside and sighed. The last thing she needed after the way seeing how the Doctor was acting with Sarah Jane was Mickey hanging around. When the Doctor had been giving his little speech about how she could stay with him until she died she didn’t miss the part where he almost said “someone you love”. But she knew better. He would never say that. Not to her. Deep down, she was probably okay with it, but having Mickey onboard the TARDIS was just going to make things difficult. 

She didn’t hate Mickey, far from it. She just didn’t feel the same way about him anymore. She didn’t love him. She knew that he knew that, and she really hoped he was okay with that, but she wasn’t sorry, at least not as sorry as she should have been. 

The Doctor came back inside and started programing the TARDIS. “So, Mickey, forwards or backwards in time?” he asked. 

Mickey shrugged and looked at Rose, then back at the Doctor. “Forwards I guess.”

The Doctor nodded and flipped the switch. “Alright, forwards it is.” Once the TARDIS was level and they were flying safely he stuck his hands in his pockets and looked at them. “Rose, how about giving Mickey a tour? I’m sure the old girl has a room prepared for him already.”

Rose didn’t want to leave the Doctor. She didn’t want to be alone with Mickey. “Sure,” she said, not really trying to hide her real feelings on the matter. She didn’t say a word to Mickey, just turned and headed down the hall assuming that he would follow her. He didn’t disappoint. 

“So how many rooms are in this thing?” Mickey asked. 

“Dunno, as many as we need and then some. The Doctor doesn’t even know how many rooms are here.” Rose smiled a little, stroking the wall of the hallway of the TARDIS affectionately. “She always has what we need though.”

“She?”

Rose sighed, rather dramatically and looked at Mickey. “I told you, the TARDIS is alive.” She stopped outside a door. “This is the kitchen,” she said, opening the door and showing him. The kitchen on the TARDIS was rather impressive. Very state of the art, every tool one may need to make any dish that you could wish for, and a banana tree in the corner of the room that was always in season. She closed the door and kept walking. She showed him the library, the swimming pool, the cinema, and the sitting room. She finally came to a stop in front of her room. “This is my room,” she informed him, looking down the hall a bit. “That door there, the red one, that’s your room.”

Mickey frowned a bit. “So, he was serious then?”

“About what?”

“Us having different rooms. I thought maybe…” Mickey shrugged, “I thought maybe we could share.”

Rose shook her head. “Mickey, you know that’s not going to happen.” She leaned back against her door, keeping her eyes on her feet. She couldn’t look at Mickey. She couldn’t see what she was doing to him. It wasn’t her fault that she wasn’t in love with him anymore…it just happened. 

She jumped when she felt Mickey’s hands on her hips, his body pressing against hers. She could feel his hot breath on her neck. “Rose, things could be different now, we can be together.”

Rose shook her head and pushed Mickey off of her. “No. We can’t.” She didn’t wait for him to try and convince her. She didn’t wait for anything. She turned around quickly and locked herself inside her room, leaning on the door. Why did the Doctor think this was a good idea? To bring Mickey along? She felt tears start to fall from her eyes. She knew they couldn’t be together forever, well, they probably could. There had to be something out there that would let her stay with him, stay young with him, but she knew that he would never let her do that. 

Rose wiped her tears away and took a quick shower before the TARDIS landed. She met the Doctor and Mickey back in the control room and refused to meet either of their eyes. 

…

She had seen him. He had been infatuated with the girl from France. Something had happened too because when he came back from his last trip over there was something on his face that she knew better than anyone it seemed. He was heartbroken, just like she was every day she was with him. She let Mickey lead her away. She didn’t want to be around either of them, but Mickey needed to see more of the ship before he got lost and they never found him. She showed him the wardrobe, Jack’s old room, the game room, and the telescope room before she went back to her room. 

Rose leaned against her door and slowly slid down; hugging her knees as she finally let the tears slip out. Was this what she was going to have to deal with from now on? Him flirting and swaning off with any pretty face that came along? She knew that he wasn’t in love with her, not the way that she was, but still…he didn’t have to act like that in front of her. It only broke her heart more and more. Rose hugged her knees close, letting the tears fall out. 

What had to be the worse part of that experience had been when he knew what crashing through the time window would have done to him. He knew that he was going to be stuck there. He did it anyways. He left her. 

She eventually pulled herself up off the floor and dragged herself into the shower. She was getting ready to crawl into bed instead of going to the library like she normally would. She couldn’t bear to be around either of them right now. Not Mickey, and not the Doctor. There was a knock at the door. Rose sighed and walked over, opening the door. “Mickey?”

“I was just heading back to my room…I was wondering if maybe you wanted some company?”

Rose sighed. “No, I told you Mickey.” She shook her head, keeping her eyes on the ground.

Mickey reached out, ignoring her and taking her hips into his hands. “Yeah but, I just thought, after what had happened…”

The tears started again. She didn’t bother saying a word to Mickey. She pushed him out of the way and tore off down the hall. She had no idea where she was going to go to. She couldn’t go to the console room or the library. There was too great of a chance running into the Doctor. So, she went to the next best place. There was a room that had appeared on the TARDIS not long after she’d started traveling with the Doctor. She’d never told him about it. It was her secret room. 

There wasn’t much in there, the rooms were a light cream color and there was a big comfy, over-stuffed chair, a small crackling fireplace, a few of her favorite books, and a small radio that would play anything to match her mood as long as she touched it. Feeling more than just a little emotional, Rose bypassed the music and curled up in the chair, holding her knees tight against her chest and just had herself a good cry. 

She lost track of time as she thought about her life with the Doctor. There was no denying that she was in love with him. Anyone with half a brain could see that. She was sure he could even see that. But he didn’t love her back. Or maybe…he did but he knew he shouldn’t. Either way Rose knew that one way or another she was going to get her heart broken in the end. Just like Sarah Jane had said she would. 

“Rose?” She gasped, tears staining her face and still coming out and looked up at the door. The Doctor was standing there, looking at her with a heartbroken expression. He was casually leaning against the door, his hands crossed over his chest. “What’s wrong?”

Rose shook her head and hugged her chest. “I don’t want to talk to you.” She tried to turn in the chair so she wasn’t looking at him. She heard the door closed and a sob shook her body. At least he was gone; he didn’t have to see her like this. She wondered if he knew what it was like to be so completely in love with someone and to just have them shrug it off, flirting with others in front of you, with no regards to your feelings. 

She had thought he left, so when she was picked up and moved around until she was sitting on his lap she gasped, trying to calm herself down as quickly as she could, but there was no going back from the pit she had stepped over. She felt his arms wrap around her tightly and his lips press against her head. He held her as she cried, the sobs refusing to stop for a long time. 

Once she’d finally calmed down the Doctor still didn’t release her. He held her close and stroked her hair. “Want to tell me what that was all about?” he asked softly, just audible over the crackling fire. Rose shook her head. She knew the second she started talking the sobbing and tears would start all over again. Plus, she didn’t need the Doctor thinking she was clingy. He’d drop her off back home for good and never come back. 

He sighed and rested his chin on her head, pulling her closer against him. “I guess it’s a good thing I already know then, isn’t it?”

Rose looked up at him. “How?”

He just shook his head. “Rose, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have acted that way. I thought…you had Mickey and maybe…”

“Stop right there.” She pulled herself from his arms, anger and rage taking place of the heartbreak. “Mickey implied the same thing. We’re you two planning this?” she demanded. This was outrageous. Instead of just cutting off the ties with her, he was trying to pawn her off on someone else. Who did he think he was?

“Rose, no, that’s not it, not at all.” He stood from the chair and pulled her into his arms. “But you remember what I said back when we were with Sarah Jane, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do, that’s the problem.”

He sighed and looked down at her. “I also said that I wasn’t going to just leave you and never come back.” He smiled at her softly when she looked up at him. “I couldn’t. You can stay with me for the rest of your life. It’s going to hurt when it’s over. It’ll break my hearts. But, I need you with me.”

Rose looked into his eyes, searching them. She supposed that was almost as good as an ‘I love you’ from him. “Promise?” she asked. 

“I promise.” He cupped her face gently in his hands. “Rose, you’ve changed me, you’ve made me a better person. When you and I first met, I was in a bad place, a very bad place. That night we met in the shop, I was planning on dying in the blast. At the very last second I thought of you and managed to get out in time. You made me the man I am right here, right now.” He kissed her temple lightly. “I need you in my life.”

“Can I ask you a favor then?” she asked softly, tears prickling the corners of her eyes. He nodded his head. “Kiss me.” The Doctor smiled and bent his head, gently pressing his lips against hers, kissing her. She had kissed the Doctor twice before. Both times she’d never been herself. But this time she was, and she etched every last detail into her memory banks. His lips were so soft against hers, and the way he was holding her, firmly but gentle, it made her feel like the most precious, fragile glass in the universe. 

He kissed her until she was breathless and then slowly pulled back. “How was that?”

Rose smiled. “Wonderful.” She allowed him to sit back in the chair, pulling her onto his lap. “I know you won’t say it back, and that’s okay, but I love you.”

The Doctor watched Rose fall asleep in his arms. He hadn’t said anything since she’d told him she loved him. How could he answer that? Yes he loved her, Rassilon knew he loved her. She was the first since his family he lost in the Time War. He had meant what she said. She was going to stay with him as long as she wanted, he would never abandon her, but he knew that his hearts were going to break past the point of repair when she did leave him. 

_A few months later…_

He was just an image before her, outside of the universe. He couldn’t even touch her. Their time was almost out. With tears leaking from her face and sobs choking her throat she told him she loved him again. This was his last chance. The last time he could tell her that he loved her too. He started to, but their time ran out. Alone in the TARDIS his own tears fell from his eyes as his hearts shattered into a million pieces he’d never be able to put back together. His Rose was gone, and he knew she couldn’t come back. Now it was just him. The Doctor, in the TARDIS…alone.


End file.
